The Loss of Everything You Know
by adama-roslinlove
Summary: Takes place in Islanded In A Stream of Stars in season 4.5. Laura has been confined to sickbay and suddenly realizes how bad of a hand Bill was dealt in this life. She decides that she needs to go and give Bill the support and comfort that he needs.


**Here is my first Adama/Roslin fanfic in a long time. I've been focusing on other shows lately and I've decided that I need to come back to my original pairing. Hope you enjoy it! Disclaimer: I do not own** _ **Battlestar Galactica**_ **.**

 _Laura… Laura…_ Laura gasps for air as she wakes up from her dream, calling out, "Bill!" She looks around and instead of seeing the white paint soaked bathroom of Bill's quarters, she sees the gray metal of sickbay. Her dream had been so vivid, Bill falling apart in his quarters, throwing white paint everywhere and then sliding down the wall to sit on the ground, crying in misery. She remembers earlier in the day when Bill had come by to see her and she had told him that they needed to abandon Galactica. She knew that under Bill's hard exterior he was crumbling into depression. From the moment he started drinking, she knew that he wasn't going to get through this in one piece; he was going to shatter, shatter into a thousand pieces.

Overlooking Bill's emotions and focusing only on her illness and how it affected her, she had forgotten what it felt like to lose someone you love to this horrible disease. Now add on losing the home that you've lived in for years and she can understand why Bill has fallen into depression. Suddenly, she recalls all the numbers that she had to subtract off her whiteboard after they found the nuked Earth and all the suicides that happened in the Galactica crew. Needing to know that Bill is alright and needing to be there for him, she looks around frantically at all the tubes and wires attached to her, not knowing what each of them are for. _I need to get to him, no matter the cost._ Looking around sickbay, she doesn't see any of her usual nurses. She clears her throat and calls out as loudly as she can, "Doctor!"

After a few moments, Cottle comes gruffly walking around the corner with his usual cigarette and says, "Yes, young lady? Do you need something?" He checks her monitors just in case something is wrong. "Nothing seems to be the matter."

"No, it's not that." She takes a long breath before she says, "I need you to disconnect everything. I need these tubes and wires off." She looks desperately at Cottle and then looks back down at all the tubes.

Cottle clears his throat, stunned. He doesn't know what to say. Finally he stammers out, "Madame President, these tubes and wires are supporting you. I would think that you of all people would know that. I can't just disconnect you from them. For one thing I would get my ass handed to me by the Admiral."

Laura looks into his eyes, pleading. "Sherman, you may not have the Admiral to hand your ass to you if you don't help me. I need to do this. I need to go to him. Please. If you don't help me, I will just find a way to disconnect everything myself and you'll just be left with a mess to deal with. Please."

After a couple minutes of silence and Cottle brooding about it, he finally grumbles, "Fine. Don't think you have my consent though. I am only doing this because I know you would do it anyway if I didn't help you and I don't want to have to fix the mess." He steps around to the other side of the bed and begins disconnecting all of the heart monitor wires.

"Thank you," Laura says as the wires begin to come off of her.

After Cottle takes the IV out of her hand, he places a small bandage over the needle mark. "I just want to warn you, you haven't been up and about for awhile, so you're going to be very weak. Take it slow walking to his quarters."

"Our quarters. And I will." Laura looks up at him with determination in her eyes as he slips the oxygen tube out from behind her ears and pulls it off the rest of the way. "Thank you. Now can you get my clothes and wig and pull my curtain shut."

Cottle finishes up putting the wires away and then pulls her curtain shut, slipping out to retrieve her clothing. As he opens the curtain, he notices that Laura is now dangling on the side of the bed. He hands her the clothing and wig and says, "Please be careful."

"I will. And please know that I will be safe with Bill," she says, trying to cover up the fact that she is already weakening just from sitting on the side of the bed and holding herself up.

Cottle mutters something and then leaves her curtained area.

Knowing that she won't be able to reach behind her back to clasp her bra, she does the clasp in front of her and then twists her bra around to the front, sliding the straps over her shoulders. After slowly slipping into her blouse, she pulls her suit jacket onto her arms, buttoning the bottom few buttons of it. Sliding her pants onto her legs, she slowly stands up, bit by bit, and buttons them. Once she places her wig on her head, she slides her feet into her customary black heels. Finally, she is ready. She takes one last breath before taking a step. Opening her curtain, she begins the long journey to their quarters. She has no guards anymore because it was assumed that she would never be leaving this sickbay again, so she walks alone, occasionally pausing to lean on the bulkhead to catch her breath.

As she nears their quarters, she places her hand on the bulkhead for balance as she carefully steps down the stairs. Two security guards are standing outside of the door. She tries to open it but it is locked. Turning towards the guards, she takes a few breaths before she says, "Open it."

One of the guards speaks. "Madame President, he gave us direct instructions that he is to be left alone."

"I don't care. Open it," she says, her voice shaking from all the energy that she had lost walking there.

One of the guards finally nods their head and the other opens the door for Laura. She walks in and locks the door behind her, leaning against it for a minute before slowly pushing herself off of it.

After sliding her feet out of her shoes, she listens for any sign of Bill. There are no lights on in the front room so therefore he is probably in the back. Her energy finally gives out as she suddenly needs to lean against the wall for support. Struggling to walk into the back, she sees the light on in the head. Taking one halting step at a time, she finally makes it to the entrance of the head. Looking down, she sees Bill on the floor against the wall in a puddle of white paint. He is sobbing and muttering, "Laura, I can't… I can't… I can't…"

Letting go of the wall, she takes the last few stumbling steps into the head and slides down next to Bill, making sure her wig doesn't touch the white paint, and pulls his entire body into her arms. "I know you can't, Bill." She winces as he buries his head into her chest but doesn't stop him. _This is what he needs, my comfort and my support. I need to give him what my mother was unable to give me all those years ago._

His sobs fill the room as Laura tightens her arms around him. "I can't… I can't do this anymore."

Her heart breaks as she realizes how much despair he is in and how much he has been holding in. She wants to make this better, but she knows that she can't. "I know, Bill. I know. Please don't pretend to be strong anymore, Bill. You're going to kill yourself like that. The fleet needs you. I need you." She looks down at him and realizes that the paint that was once just covering him is now covering her as well, but she doesn't care. She runs her trembling fingers through his hair in a comforting gesture, trying to calm him. His tears are still soaking through her suit jacket and her blouse. "I'm here, Bill. And I'm going to stay here for as long as you need me. You don't have to go through this alone anymore."

At last, after what seems like hours of being there, his sobs begin to lessen. He finally looks up into her eyes for the first time and truly realizes that she is actually there. "Laura, you're here."

Laura raises just the corners of her lips but it's a smile nonetheless. "Yes, I am."

Bill looks up at her as if she's a ghost. "How… How are you here? I saw you earlier and you were tethered to tubes and wires and machines and oxygen."

She takes a few breaths before she answers, her body used to getting the extra oxygen from the tube in sickbay. "Don't worry, Bill. I'm not dead, and neither are you. I saw you and heard you in my dream, calling to me. I came as soon as I could, as soon as I could persuade Cottle to disconnect me from everything and that I wouldn't keel over from not being there." Seeing Bill suddenly replaying the moment in his head where he was told that she had collapsed in their quarters, she takes Bill's hands in hers and says, "Bill, please, talk to me. I know you haven't been able to do that lately, so please just talk to me." Her hands have a slight tremor to them, but they had lost their major shakiness when she was taken to sickbay and put on a whole boatload of medication.

After a few moments of silence, Bill finally speaks. "Laura, I can't do this anymore. I can't be strong anymore. I'm losing you and I'm losing Galactica. I've lost so many of my crew, so many that I considered family. I'm losing everything. I don't have anything left. And I've lost myself in all of this too. You kept me going but now I can't. I can't…"

Laura presses a shaky kiss to his forehead. "I know, Bill. I know what it's like to lose everything and I'm sorry that I forgot what it can do to you. I'm sorry that I never allowed you to talk to me. I wish I could do something to take away all your pain."

"Laura, you being here in this moment is enough. Seeing you here in these quarters with me again is all I could ever ask for. This isn't home without you."

"I know. I don't feel at home without you either. Come on, let's get up off this floor and cleaned up. I would give you a hand but I'm the one that's going to need help up."

Bill takes one last hesitant breath before slowly climbing to his feet, gently pulling Laura up with him. After helping her sit down on the toilet seat, he pulls two towels out from under the sink, dampening them with water. Once he is done getting most of the paint off of his face and out of his hair, he throws his towel into the laundry bin and helps Laura get the paint off of her. Finishing up with Laura, he throws her towel into the laundry bin as well. He then turns to her and says, "Give me a minute. I'll be back."

After he steps out of the head, Laura decides to follow him. She places her hand on the bathroom counter for support and slowly pushes herself up. Stepping out of the head, she sees Bill taking off all the pins on his sash and putting them away. As she stumbles over to him, he lifts off the sash and throws it in the laundry. Laura steps up to his back just as he begins to unbutton his jacket. "Here, let me." Laura slowly makes her way down the column of buttons and then pulls the jacket off of his arms, tossing it into the laundry.

Bill turns around in her arms and pulls her against him, taking her weight from her. He knows that she is losing her remaining strength quickly. Inhaling the smell of her, he says, "I've missed this. I've missed the smell of you. I've missed walking into this room and knowing that you are here just from the scent of your perfume." He slowly slips her suit jacket off of her arms and throws it in the laundry as well because it now has paint on it.

"I've missed this too. The only smell I get is the sterile smell of sickbay or the metallic smell of blood. I never smell your musky scent anymore."

"I need you, Laura. I can lose everything but I can't lose you."

Laura looks up into his eyes and tears are filling them once again. She knows that her cancer is the source of his depression, but she can't do anything to fix it. Using all of her strength, she slowly lifts up onto the balls of her feet and kisses him, their lips molding against each other. Once their lips come apart, she whispers against his cheek, "I know, Bill. And I'm sorry." Taking his hand in hers, she carefully walks over to the rack and pulls him down next to her. Moving to the head of the bed, she pulls him into her arms once again. "But you'll get through it. You have to do it for me. If I'm not here to help you, you have to finish this for us. I know you, Bill. I know the pain that you'll be in but I know that you can get through it."

"No, I can't. I can't live without you."

Tears fill Laura's eyes as her worst nightmare comes true. She vowed that she would never do this to someone after her mother died, never have someone love her and then pull it all away. She rubs her hand up and down Bill's arm and says distantly, "Yes you can. You just have to learn to live with the pain."

 **Hope you enjoyed it! As always, reviews are loved.**


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